Its a start

Not exactly a story about Nadine, but it took me over an hour to write and left me crying the whole bus ride to work. There never was a real fight or break up between us, and I think she planned it that way. I had outlasted several other boyfriends of her's and even one previous fiance, and that's how she kind of always did it, would leave and then over the phone, break up. I remember her coming to stay with me, just after I moved into the OK Hotel. It was my birthday, and I had been living in this place less than a week. Nadine was living in Tacoma, living with a guy named Will, but also staying alot with Ian and Tisha, friends from work. Cool kids, many stories about all of us. So Nadine was horrible about letting guys assume too much too fast, and was never honest right up front. But she does have a big kind heart, and so rather than telling some guy she just met No, he ends up thinking he's her exclusive boyfriend with in days of meeting her. Happens alot. So did turning lovers into addicts. It did suck us all into her world. We all wanted to know what was so damn special about dope, so we all ended up trying, then using, then getting sick.
Anyways, I would get off work Friday nights, run home quick, grab the dog, BooDah James, and we would ride the last bus of the night to Tacoma, just so we could stay with Tisha and Ian, and then Nadine would come hangout there, and stay a couple days. Poor Will. I think about it now, how is a guy going to react when his "girl" decides to go stay at some friends from work, and her guy "friend" from Seattle is in town, and you can't come over. Yeah, i'd be pissed off too. From the very beginning, everytime I tell her she needs to be honest. She wasn't exclusive, and she wasn't anybodies "girl". Once he just showed up, all pissed off and upset, just knowing he going to catch us doing something. What he got was a quick escort to the door by Ian and his friends. In his defense though, me and Nadine were sleeping together. It kind of was the whole reason I was going down to see her. Oh, shit- I totally forgot. So this was all happening end of October, through November til December, when she wanted to try and be serious with Will, to really be faithful, and that he didn't want us to hang out at all anymore. A month later, she comes to stay one night, and we talk for hours. about how her habit is pretty bad, and that Will was using, starting to get sick, etc... She sounded tired, but peaceful. For Valentine's day that year, I got the tattoo on my finger for her, then went to see her in Tacoma, ending up in some bar by the bus station. That's when she told me she was pregnant, but not how far along, made it sound like they're could only be Will's, but I already had a feeling. She was scared, and didn't know what to do, she couldn't keep this a secret for long. A week later she was at my place at the OK Hotel. She told Will she was in detox, and had no phone for the first 5 days. Nadine's sister Ericka knew where she was, but lied for us. Really, Nadine came to stay with me while she went to a womens clinic that specialized in late term cancellations. Nadine had been using the whole time, and is Hep C+, with other complications, so this was the best choice, ok. Don't judge because it was about this same time that I really started doing the math, and thinking how far a long was she really? True is we will never know, but it still hurts wondering if those where the twins we were going to have?? They could have very easily been mine. And it was rough for Nadine, with lots of extra bleeding and the drugs made her sick, I was just so glad to get her back to my apartment and take care of her for a while as she healed up. She called Will to tell him that she had left him, he already knew about the abortion, and that she was going to stay with her sister for a while, but I think he knew better. Nadine didn't leave after that. I remember having a long conversation with her about why she just wouldn't give us, me and her a serious try. And she replied how she was worried that if we lived together, boyfriend/girlfriend, and it didn't work out that she would lose me as her best friend. But the time had come, to where if she didn't accept this, and take this risk then I would leave, cause it was to real and painful for me to always be the stand by guy, though right now, as i right this, that sounds so great. I think that has alot to do with her new relationship, and why I'm not adjusting well. No matter what, always me and Nadine had our relationship, and we lied and cheated to keep it. And it was great sex too, but more than that, it was deep, energy, a karma cleanse, aura energy being balanced. So this is new, different and not healthy.
Until next post
KK