starlite

It felt like being high on a cloud, together with you, drifting carefree above the world, over everything that didn’t matter anymore. Holding each other tight, we rise weightless together towards the heavens. But then suddenly, like a pin to a child’s balloon, pop-my cloud disappeared, and violently I fell to earth, a broken angel, cast out and now laying here, in so much pain, so dead inside, and so confused as to where I am. What just happened to me?? I’m lost, looking for my light. I stand up slowly and continue to look around, but I can’t find you. I look around, scared and crying, I panic, can’t breathe. I feel sick as the world around me starts to spin, pulling me down, sucking me into the ground. My stomach tightens and my ears begin to ring. I lay down, and look up at the infinite blackness above me, the pure emptiness of it all, as it surrounds everything, enveloping the world with a cold, sterile grip.  There is no escaping its reach, its fingers of despair, as they pierce your heart and mind. I have never felt so alone, so lost and so utterly helpless. Then I see you, high above me. You did not fall like me, but you continued on, and now your single light shines so bright. I lay here now and stare at your light for hours. And though you and I are now separated, I will find you in another life. All I have to do is to look up on any clear dark night, find the single brightest start in the sky and think of you.

Nadine, I love you so much, and I am so fucked in the head over you and I can’t figure shit out and am so fucking lost. So much of my life was you, I miss you every day, but can’t be with you, the who that you are now, the one I knew was inside and wait for so long to grow. I ‘m glad your happy, and finally changing. But its killing me, numb, inside out.  May 18, 2011